Waiting

I'm not going to lie...I think waiting sucks...to put it lightly and not lady-like. These last couple of weeks have been difficult and challenging in every way. I'm really not one to "air" my feelings into cyberspace...but I really don't feel like writing.
Last week we got a call that there was a BM that needed to make an adoption plan for her days old son or CYFD was going to take him. First the BM was already considering adoption...and was "leaning" towards picking us...but then decided to parent. Which is fine...it's her baby...her decision. All of her other children are in state custody. We were told if she did choose us...we would need to be there immediately...a 5 hour drive...etc.etc. I quickly realized that we weren't in a "stand-by-ready-at-the-door mode." I quickly and anxiously searched for newborn clothing...and all the works...found the infant carseat and soft blankets...newborn hats...and through them into the washer.  All of that stuff has been stored deep into the mess, we call the garage, and I haven't looked at that stuff in such a long time...I tried not to fantasize about a newborn baby..that may or not may be my future son. My son and I raced to the store to buy diapers, wipes, newborn care stuff...and sweet little booties. I didn't tell Jude what or who they were for. He longs for a sibling...and if it didn't work out...I couldn't bare to tell him. So I just said they were gifts...they were...I wasn't exactly lying. I came home and folded each item and placed them in a diaper bag....and stood back...looking at the fresh and nicely folded heap of items. It was hard.
Reality sets in. I know that we haven't been picked. I know that if she doesn't choose adoption...CYFD isn't going to wait long to take custody of the baby....and once that happens...we wouldn't be able to adopt him....he would be "in the system." Our social worker calls and says that they haven't heard anything and she would call me tomorrow. A glimmer of hope sparkled in the distance. I prayed all night.

Morning came...and so did the phone call. The BM wasn't able to make the decision to place her baby...so he's now in the custody of the state. My first reaction was sorrow...not for me...but for the BM. I can't imagine what she is feeling. First she decided to place her baby....then to parent....and then it was decided for her. I just can't imagine. I know what it feels like to lose a child...I've done it twice. But I never was able to hold them. I'm still praying for this BM...whom I've never met...and I hope that she gets her life back.

Now I have a nicely folded heap of  items...(which by the way...I was smart enough to buy in white, green and yellow)....which was quickly moved to the back bedroom...so I didn't have to pass by it 30 times a day...and re-live that I'm still waiting for my babies. Waiting sucks.

Oh wait I forgot to mention that during this time, I was supposed to make a trip to the location where my hubby is working to bring a load of stuff home. He only has one more week. I didn't want to leave and then we get a call that we need to be somewhere immediately. So we decided that I'd go the next day. My son ended up hurting his knee...and he may need surgery. Three years old...and may need knee surgery.
P.S. jumping over marbles to impress some pretty girls...is way overrated.

All I can say is this family is praying for a lot of miracles.

Catching Up...

                        

These last couple of weeks have forced me to neglect my blog...from the Flu to decorating the tree, baking, family having surgery, Thanksgiving, fairs, Fall, Winter..Snow...and lots of Etsy orders and Christmas Photo shoots...it's great to sit down for a bit and "catch up"

First...

We are still waiting to hear about the 3 little girls in foster care. Their social worker isn't able to give us any information...which we completely understand. The last update we had from their foster mom...is that they had another court date this past Monday...we don't know what was decided. We do know that the baby is now in state custody...we don't know why. I think about these girls and pray for them everyday...I pray for God's decision in their life...whether that means being reunited with their mother...or not... We hope that if they do become eligible for adoption that we would be considered.

During my son's prayers last night...he prayed that God would send him some baby sisters (he's been saying that for over a year lol) so that he can have someone to play with...he then turned to me and said "I will share all my toys and my bed." It's bittersweet to know that he is longing for a sibling...just as much as we are longing for more children.  We hope that God answers our prayers very soon!

Fall and Winter...came so quickly this year...but I've enjoyed every moment of it. The changing leaves and cool weather put me in the mood for Christmas movies, hot cocoa and flannel sheets. Today we woke up to snow covered everything...I don't remember the last time it really snowed in Southern New Mexico...it's been years...usually we have to drive to the mountains...Jude had a blast playing, but quickly realized that being wet and cold was way overrated!

Since I've last blogged...I've added more Scoodies, Magnet Sets, Hair Wraps (for women and babies!) and Messengers to my store...I'm working on getting some more done this weekend...

The "Scoodie"

I was browsing Brick and Mortar Shops the other night...wanting a cool scarf...I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for....so I decided to make something....I didn't want just a scarf and beanie set...soooooo I made this. I'm going to try and make some for my Etsy store in the next couple of days. The Scoodie...the perfect blend of a hoodie and a scarf to keep my and everyone else's head, warm this winter. I want to make some for kiddies...maybe some that match my booties....wouldn't that be cute.

the Ups n' Downs....of Fall

As I have mentioned before...Fall is my favorite season....the changing leaves, relief from the heat, and yummy baked goods. We decided to go on a picnic to McKittrick Canyon...where we heard that there was an amazing display of Fall leaves. I packed us an amazing picnic lunch...that wasn't on the light side...and my hubby packed his backpack full of unnecessary items for a picnic...which weighed around 35 lbs. We were under the impression that this was a light hike...and didn't see the signs posted that it was a 6.8 mile round trip. I failed to mention that my back is still hurting and we took Jude. The trip quickly turned sour...meltdowns followed. Joseph ended up carrying Jude, his backpack...and until I felt sorry for him....the picnic bag....3 miles is a long way if you are carrying an extra 70 lbs...so we ended up finding a quiet spot and eating our picnic lunch....and heading back. Jude was also working on his Junior Ranger Badge...and we missed the station closing my minutes....so we decided to come back the next day.

We packed lighter, made PB&J's and started 3 hours early....Jude also got his badge before we left...we thought, "man, this going so good so far!" Famous Last Words.
About an hour into the hike Jude falls....and face plants on a rock....blood, tears...and a chipped tooth...the boy is determined to knock those teeth out....we don't have anything medical but wipes, "neo to go" and some bandaids. There is nothing to do...but comfort him. He calmed down 5 minutes later, so we decided to keep going and made it to the Pratt Cabin...where we eat an "ok" picnic linner (lunch/dinner) and explored the cabin. Jude immediately told anyone that would listen, "I busted my tooth on a rock and it's broken" When were on our way back we stopped at the famous rock...and found the little chip of tooth still there! The entire way back we heard "put my tooth back on...it hurts!" Poor little guy.
The Fall leaves were amazing, and the canyon was beautiful...I did get some great pics...but I'm not sure if it was worth all the trouble.

Fall on the Brain

This week has been "difficult" to say the least. I hurt my back for the hundredth time...but there always seems to be good that comes from everything. Since I'm doing a lot of laying/sitting around....it has given me more time to create. I doesn't hurt to move my arms...so I can still sew or glue.
I've also been able to slow down and enjoy the changing weather. Last Sunday was the harvest moon....we drove right into it for most of the night....surrounded by the desert's colorful skies and perfect purple mountains...it was breath taking. In the town that we are staying in...is a cute fabric shop that actually sold real felt....with wool...not just polyester. I've had a difficult time finding high quality wool felt...so I hit the jackpot...this of course came after I ordered a bunch online. However I found the perfect shade of pumpkin spice orange and made this hair wrap. It in honor of the best season....Fall

This weekend is the pumpkin festival and corn maze....I think I can manage making popcorn balls and homemade cocoa....pics to follow :)

Adoption Process Update: today we got a phone call from the previous foster care situation. The foster mother told us that their social worker was very excited to get into contact with us. So we called and left a message. We still have a lot of questions....but it's a step forward.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

We met a couple that is fostering 2 sweet girls ages 2 and 5 this past Sunday. Afterwards, the foster mom told us that they were currently looking for a forever family for them and that they have an 8 month old sister and "one on the way" that may be taken by the state. We still don't know all the details...or if the state is really going to terminate rights. But we did tell her we were interested. We also had a meeting with our social worker to drop off additional paperwork (So thankful we found everything!) and told her about it. She also told us that they were going to show our profile to 2 birthfamilies this week. We are hoping that the door opens for us this time around. We are extremely guarded....we have to be!

My new adventure

So I was invited to a wedding and the only dress I could find that I liked was black...I'm not big on wearing an all black dress to a wedding...so I decided to make something for my hair. I began sketching a simple flower head wrap....and then made this. I decided to add these to my Etsy store and will be working hard to get one in every color done this week. I'm also going to offer matching hair clips that will match the booties that I make.

At least now, I won't show up as the angel of death.

I heart photography

My latest. I heart photography. I heart getting paid for something I'm passionate about. I think typing "I heart" is lame.

guns and tattoos

I've got two choices...to be bored or be creative...
The town we have temporarily moved to, has absolutely nothing to do...for me or my son. We've tried going back and forth to our home town, but being away from daddy is too much. I've been thinking about making a Man-Bag lately....I made this one...but my hubby said that he didn't think the color was manly enough....so I made him model it :) and listed it as a unisex bag. I like the color...but then again...I am a woman. I'm making another one that is chocolate and khaki....that's "manly" right?


On another note, my son turned 3 1/2 last weekend....I can believe it...it seems like yesterday we were going through the crazy whirlwind of adoption...
Every 6 months I do a "photo shoot" with him...I searched high and low for temp tats...the dollar store came through for me...paired with an awesome hat, wife beater and real converse...I had a ham on my hands.

Tattoo

I've decided that for my 30th birthday (which was last March lol) I'm going to get the tattoo that I've wanted for years. However...in order to do this in December...I made a goal to get in shape...by using the semi-torture tool of P90X and jogging. P90X is intense and kinda crazy. I'm on day 2...and my arms are rendered useless. My hubby is doing it too...he loves giving me those "way to go" slaps on the butt....I find it annoying. I'd slap him...but yet again...my arms are useless. I will say that it is hard to do an hour of exercise with my 3 year old, but it's super adorable to see him try and do the exercises. So we will see in 90 days if I feel my effort is tattoo worthy.

I made front page of etsy

I was so excited to learn that my Jack Bear Booties made the front page this morning. I was wondering why I had a crazy amount of views and 24 new "hearts"! It is such an honor...especially since Etsy Administration put it together!

Lap Top Messengers...for the birds

I custom made this mustard yellow canvas messenger for my friend last week...I loved it so much that I made one in a beautiful sky blue and chocolate...this was my first time "free handing"...or should I say "free-sewing" a picture...I loved this bag so much I almost didn't list it on my store. Lately I've been slightly obsessed with birds...not live ones...I'm honestly not a fan...but the silhouettes of birds on branches.

No updates on the adoption portion of my life...I'm working on a second replica of the "dear birthparent" scrapbook...for the agency and that's about it.

Wait Train

Today the world laid to rest a music icon....to which I will say that I cried like a baby through the whole memorial...not because I'm going to miss Michael Jackson, but because I felt for his children. I can't imagine their pain.

I also just found out that the birthmother choose the other family. I'm not sad...more disappointed...and now my mind can be at rest. I don't have to wonder if I said the right things or wish I said something different. All I can do is be a good wife to my hubby and a mommy to my son...and get back on the "wait" train. (more like roller coaster lol) And it will start all over again. I lean on God for He is my strong tower...

Over and Out

Well we had our phone conference today...I just got off the phone, so I'm still trying to process the whole thing. It went well...we answered some tough questions...and the birthmother is amazing. However, I don't know if we are the family she is looking for. I just have that feeling. Who knows...

All we can do is wait and see...
I'm trying not to over analyze the whole conversation...that's soooo hard for me.
I am glad that the first initial phone call is over...the anticipation of the unknown is gone. So now we are waiting for her to choose or not choose us. I don't know how long that will take...hopefully soon we will have an answer.

What's in a conversation?

A birthmother from our agency has narrowed her decision down to 2 families...and we are one of them. (enter happy jig here) We have a phone conference with her on Tuesday. I've never done this before. With Jude's birthmother we just met at a restaurant...up close and personal. The kicker is that my hubby will be 3 hours away at his lunch break...so we won't be able to "read each other"...let's just say I won't be able to "give him the eye" if he needs it lol. This is the next step. If she choses us...she is due in 6 weeks. I have butterflies in my stomach...I'm hopeful, yet cautious. She hasn't picked us yet...and if she doesn't pick us...that's okay too. I'm restraining myself from daydreaming about the nursery, what the sex of the baby is, what it will feel like to hold a newborn in my arms...okay I'm stopping. I don't know what questions she will be asking us...so everything will be on the spot answers...I'm a "prepare ahead" type of gal...so the anticipation is overwhelming. My only peace is knowing that it's in God's hands...

so what's in a conversation....?

....our baby could be.

p.s. the pic is of my hubby and son on our trip to San Diego a couple of weeks ago.

Whirlwind

So to make a blog entry short...it's been an eventful 3 weeks. We went on vacation for an entire week in San Diego...family action packed...only to return home...wash our clothes and move 3 hours away from home. My hubby got a detail for 6 months. Before we left...literally the next day, we met with our social worker to read through our homestudy...it was weird reading about what someone else thinks of you. It went well.

Right before we left on vacation she called to say that there were 2 potential birthfamilies...however one family decided on a family in another state...and the other one wasn't sure she was going to choose adoption....

So that's that...and that is okay!

Just minutes ago she called and said there was another potential birthmother. Her plan for her baby matches ours and they will be showing her our profile. She is due in August.

We are excited...even if she doesn't choose us. Just getting the ball rolling is comforting. We are in the whirlwind of waiting...seeing if they choose us...not getting our hopes up...but yet getting excited....The only thing we can do is pray and continue to live our lives with the comfort of knowing that someday...and hopefully soon...we will be bringing our kiddo home.

On another note...moving 3 hours away is hard. I miss my family dearly...and my sister just moved back into town. Jude misses his "gramps" and talks to him everyday. When we arrived here...we moved into a house we saw online...it looked great in the pics...but was NOT ok. So we moved out of there after 2 days and into another one...so I finally feel like I can set up "house"...but I'm ready to go back home for the weekend...back to "my" Walmart, Co-op, Target and bed.

Painting the roses red...well more like rust...

When we bought our house..we knew that someday we would be ripping up the carpet and laying tile or wood...never considering staining the concrete because it is so incredibly expensive. The first thing we did was rip up the carpet in our room because there was carpet in the bathroom....which to me is so disgusting. We put in a calico looking floor because we had a friend who had a bunch of left overs from different houses that he had laid. I love the effect it has. A couple of years later we decided to rip up the rest of the carpet and lay tile down..except for the back bedrooms. I love the coolness of tile and the fact that you can get it so clean you can eat off of it! We ended up ripping up the carpet in one of the back bedrooms and have been living off the ugly concrete that was splattered with paint, stain and dry wall from 20 plus years ago. I started researching painting, etching, and acid washing/staining concrete. I didn't want to paint because we have friends that have done that....and anytime you move furniture...there goes the paint...etching...too much trouble...and staining I love love love the way it looks...but it is way way to expensive...even for a small room...plus it's with acid.

When we went on a weekend retreat to the hills of Kingston...the place we stayed at had all acid washed concrete...or so I thought. I asked "Pete" if he had acid washed this entire building...it was pretty big..and thought it must of cost a fortune. He smiled and said no....we used ferrous sulfate...and did the entire house for around $50. WHAT???

So that's what we did.

I'm not going to lie...it's work...but because it is so cheap...it's worth it. Of course we were taking everything out of a very messy bedroom, ripping up carpet, tack strip...and then scrubbing 20 plus years of paint, stain and dry wall...and we had to paint all the walls because the baseboards were put in after the carpet...so there was a 1 inch gap, and then patching the concrete and so on. If you were starting with a clean slab it would be way easier. So for 2 rooms we bought 2 bags ferrous sulfate called Copperas, patch and tool and garden sprayer and concrete sealer.. which came to...about $55. (excluding paint and a new fabulous bedspread that was on clearance) If you have all the tools that's more money saved.

Step 1: get everything out of the room and rip out carpet and tack strip. Remove baseboards if you can't live with the gap. (if there is one) If there isn't a gap...tape the baseboards with painters tape because the ferrous sulfate will "grey" the wood.

Step 2: scrap up any paint, drywall...etc off of floor. We started with an razor blade the get off varnish and then switched to hot water and industrial steel wool to get off the paint and drywall. We even got up stain...

Step 3: Get the concrete as clean as possible. We used the shop vac, swept, and mopped..

Step 4: Patch any holes in the concrete. We used vinyl patch concrete..which didn't exactly get smooth...but it worked. After it dried we took a drywall mud tool and scrapped any patch that wasn't even with the floor...we then took a towel and cleaned around each hole to get up any patch residue.

Step 5: Prepare the ferrous sulfate. We didn't know how much solution we would need..so we made 2 gallons...(2lbs ferrous sulfate per gallon) which was plenty for a 175 square foot room. Boil 2 gallons of water...add fertilizer...(yeah it's a fertilizer) and stir for about 5 minutes..strain into a bucket. We used a bungee cord to tie an old towel to a bucket and poured through twice. It will separate into rust and greenish water....stir well and pour into sprayer.

Step 6: spray on floor. Use a sweeping motion keeping a wet edge. Put something down if you plan on putting the sprayer down because it will leave a ring if it gets wet. I first used a roller which was a pain in the butt...I was afraid of the sprayer...but quickly switched on the next layers...you let each layer dry completley before adding more. we live in New Mexico where there is no humidity...so it dried in 20 minutes. Oh and don't wear shoes...go barefoot or wear socks. I did 4 layers.

First layer

Second layer

4th layer (I forgot to take pics of the 3rd)

After the 4th layer dried...you must now mop up on all the extra rust...we used hot water and a mop with white vinegar...maybe a cup per gallon...I didn't measure...it took about 4 times to mop everything up...

4th layer and sealing with a high gloss concrete sealer...the sealer darkened the floor to a mixture of dark terracota and chocolate...so beautiful.

It was a lot of work...but it was worth it!

homestudy and Jude update

Well a quick update on our adoption process...

Our social worker is in the final stages of our homestudy...although our profile is available to any birth mothers/families that may come into the agency. We are happy, so far, of how things have been going and still feel confident. Adoption is a hard process...and sometimes there is a long wait...and sometimes not. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions...if you let it be. We just know that we will wait for as long as it takes to bring our kiddos home.

I've enjoyed the weather these past days...finally allowing us to go outside without being blown away. Jude has really liked his new clubhouse/swingset and plays on it everyday. A couple of evenings ago, we sat outside...enjoying the coolness of the grass and ate a bowl full of cherries. It's times like that, that I think Jude will remember. He's getting so big. His vocabulary is amazing...and sometime embarassing. He's quick to point things out...that really should be said behind doors....and he still hasn't mastered his "quiet voice." We are working on that.

A spontaneous get-away

We were in dire need to spend some quality time together. My husband realized he would have a 4 day weekend coming up and asked what I wanted to do. I knew immediately.

I got on the phone....

and booked 2 nights at a Bed and Breakfast called the Black Range Lodge in Kingston NM. We had never been there before, but heard that it was beautiful. The population of Kingston is 21.....yes 21 people! It is a cluster of historic houses nestled in the hills...away from everything. Pete and Catherine were amazing and interesting in everyway...we enjoyed their company and the bountiful breakfast of pheasant omelets, fresh orange juice, homemade bread and sourdough waffles with coconut syrup. My hubby and I enjoyed a 4 hour hike up the Black Mountain Range....surrounded by tall pine trees and crisp mountain air. It was a reminder that we really do enjoy each others company! We shared an MRE...which I had never had...and I was surprised how good it was.

That night we decided to go out for dinner. The nearest open restaurants were 45 minutes away in Truth or Consequences, NM. We stopped at one restaurant....and while we were walking up...a lady asked if we knew where the BellaLuca was at. We didn't, but had a newspaper with a local map and advertisements in it....we gave her the address and then decided to follow....and we are so thankful that we did. It was the most amazing food....the calamari was hands down the best we have EVER eaten....and in the middle of nowhere! It was tossed with yellow peppers, roasted bellpepper, some kind of oil dressing on a bed of red lettuce. We ended up eating there again the next day.

I also booked us a couple's massage at the Sierra Grande Lodge. We sat in our own private hotspring bath outside for 30 minutes and then had an hour massage....it was bliss. I love how professional they were and the inviting simple decor....it was very zen-ish. After everything was done...my hubby brought me a super dark chocolate truffle....

I am one happy gal.

The Man Bag, M-urse, Man-ssenger...

So I finally finished it...the Man Bag...the Murse (not to be confused with a male nurse lol)...the MAN-ssenger...it's made from cotton duck canvas...making it water resistant. It's padded with fusible fleece interfacing, has a large inside pocket and a small pocket for keys and pens and has a 45.5" canvas strap on D-rings. I had a blast designing this...with some input from my hubby...who is modeling it. This bag is super durable and would be great for a laptop, diaper bag...overnight bag...or want ever your manly heart desires...for more info/pics...click here

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