Waiting

I'm not going to lie...I think waiting sucks...to put it lightly and not lady-like. These last couple of weeks have been difficult and challenging in every way. I'm really not one to "air" my feelings into cyberspace...but I really don't feel like writing.
Last week we got a call that there was a BM that needed to make an adoption plan for her days old son or CYFD was going to take him. First the BM was already considering adoption...and was "leaning" towards picking us...but then decided to parent. Which is fine...it's her baby...her decision. All of her other children are in state custody. We were told if she did choose us...we would need to be there immediately...a 5 hour drive...etc.etc. I quickly realized that we weren't in a "stand-by-ready-at-the-door mode." I quickly and anxiously searched for newborn clothing...and all the works...found the infant carseat and soft blankets...newborn hats...and through them into the washer.  All of that stuff has been stored deep into the mess, we call the garage, and I haven't looked at that stuff in such a long time...I tried not to fantasize about a newborn baby..that may or not may be my future son. My son and I raced to the store to buy diapers, wipes, newborn care stuff...and sweet little booties. I didn't tell Jude what or who they were for. He longs for a sibling...and if it didn't work out...I couldn't bare to tell him. So I just said they were gifts...they were...I wasn't exactly lying. I came home and folded each item and placed them in a diaper bag....and stood back...looking at the fresh and nicely folded heap of items. It was hard.
Reality sets in. I know that we haven't been picked. I know that if she doesn't choose adoption...CYFD isn't going to wait long to take custody of the baby....and once that happens...we wouldn't be able to adopt him....he would be "in the system." Our social worker calls and says that they haven't heard anything and she would call me tomorrow. A glimmer of hope sparkled in the distance. I prayed all night.

Morning came...and so did the phone call. The BM wasn't able to make the decision to place her baby...so he's now in the custody of the state. My first reaction was sorrow...not for me...but for the BM. I can't imagine what she is feeling. First she decided to place her baby....then to parent....and then it was decided for her. I just can't imagine. I know what it feels like to lose a child...I've done it twice. But I never was able to hold them. I'm still praying for this BM...whom I've never met...and I hope that she gets her life back.

Now I have a nicely folded heap of  items...(which by the way...I was smart enough to buy in white, green and yellow)....which was quickly moved to the back bedroom...so I didn't have to pass by it 30 times a day...and re-live that I'm still waiting for my babies. Waiting sucks.

Oh wait I forgot to mention that during this time, I was supposed to make a trip to the location where my hubby is working to bring a load of stuff home. He only has one more week. I didn't want to leave and then we get a call that we need to be somewhere immediately. So we decided that I'd go the next day. My son ended up hurting his knee...and he may need surgery. Three years old...and may need knee surgery.
P.S. jumping over marbles to impress some pretty girls...is way overrated.

All I can say is this family is praying for a lot of miracles.

Catching Up...

                        

These last couple of weeks have forced me to neglect my blog...from the Flu to decorating the tree, baking, family having surgery, Thanksgiving, fairs, Fall, Winter..Snow...and lots of Etsy orders and Christmas Photo shoots...it's great to sit down for a bit and "catch up"

First...

We are still waiting to hear about the 3 little girls in foster care. Their social worker isn't able to give us any information...which we completely understand. The last update we had from their foster mom...is that they had another court date this past Monday...we don't know what was decided. We do know that the baby is now in state custody...we don't know why. I think about these girls and pray for them everyday...I pray for God's decision in their life...whether that means being reunited with their mother...or not... We hope that if they do become eligible for adoption that we would be considered.

During my son's prayers last night...he prayed that God would send him some baby sisters (he's been saying that for over a year lol) so that he can have someone to play with...he then turned to me and said "I will share all my toys and my bed." It's bittersweet to know that he is longing for a sibling...just as much as we are longing for more children.  We hope that God answers our prayers very soon!

Fall and Winter...came so quickly this year...but I've enjoyed every moment of it. The changing leaves and cool weather put me in the mood for Christmas movies, hot cocoa and flannel sheets. Today we woke up to snow covered everything...I don't remember the last time it really snowed in Southern New Mexico...it's been years...usually we have to drive to the mountains...Jude had a blast playing, but quickly realized that being wet and cold was way overrated!

Since I've last blogged...I've added more Scoodies, Magnet Sets, Hair Wraps (for women and babies!) and Messengers to my store...I'm working on getting some more done this weekend...

The "Scoodie"

I was browsing Brick and Mortar Shops the other night...wanting a cool scarf...I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for....so I decided to make something....I didn't want just a scarf and beanie set...soooooo I made this. I'm going to try and make some for my Etsy store in the next couple of days. The Scoodie...the perfect blend of a hoodie and a scarf to keep my and everyone else's head, warm this winter. I want to make some for kiddies...maybe some that match my booties....wouldn't that be cute.

the Ups n' Downs....of Fall

As I have mentioned before...Fall is my favorite season....the changing leaves, relief from the heat, and yummy baked goods. We decided to go on a picnic to McKittrick Canyon...where we heard that there was an amazing display of Fall leaves. I packed us an amazing picnic lunch...that wasn't on the light side...and my hubby packed his backpack full of unnecessary items for a picnic...which weighed around 35 lbs. We were under the impression that this was a light hike...and didn't see the signs posted that it was a 6.8 mile round trip. I failed to mention that my back is still hurting and we took Jude. The trip quickly turned sour...meltdowns followed. Joseph ended up carrying Jude, his backpack...and until I felt sorry for him....the picnic bag....3 miles is a long way if you are carrying an extra 70 lbs...so we ended up finding a quiet spot and eating our picnic lunch....and heading back. Jude was also working on his Junior Ranger Badge...and we missed the station closing my minutes....so we decided to come back the next day.

We packed lighter, made PB&J's and started 3 hours early....Jude also got his badge before we left...we thought, "man, this going so good so far!" Famous Last Words.
About an hour into the hike Jude falls....and face plants on a rock....blood, tears...and a chipped tooth...the boy is determined to knock those teeth out....we don't have anything medical but wipes, "neo to go" and some bandaids. There is nothing to do...but comfort him. He calmed down 5 minutes later, so we decided to keep going and made it to the Pratt Cabin...where we eat an "ok" picnic linner (lunch/dinner) and explored the cabin. Jude immediately told anyone that would listen, "I busted my tooth on a rock and it's broken" When were on our way back we stopped at the famous rock...and found the little chip of tooth still there! The entire way back we heard "put my tooth back on...it hurts!" Poor little guy.
The Fall leaves were amazing, and the canyon was beautiful...I did get some great pics...but I'm not sure if it was worth all the trouble.

Fall on the Brain

This week has been "difficult" to say the least. I hurt my back for the hundredth time...but there always seems to be good that comes from everything. Since I'm doing a lot of laying/sitting around....it has given me more time to create. I doesn't hurt to move my arms...so I can still sew or glue.
I've also been able to slow down and enjoy the changing weather. Last Sunday was the harvest moon....we drove right into it for most of the night....surrounded by the desert's colorful skies and perfect purple mountains...it was breath taking. In the town that we are staying in...is a cute fabric shop that actually sold real felt....with wool...not just polyester. I've had a difficult time finding high quality wool felt...so I hit the jackpot...this of course came after I ordered a bunch online. However I found the perfect shade of pumpkin spice orange and made this hair wrap. It in honor of the best season....Fall

This weekend is the pumpkin festival and corn maze....I think I can manage making popcorn balls and homemade cocoa....pics to follow :)

Adoption Process Update: today we got a phone call from the previous foster care situation. The foster mother told us that their social worker was very excited to get into contact with us. So we called and left a message. We still have a lot of questions....but it's a step forward.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

We met a couple that is fostering 2 sweet girls ages 2 and 5 this past Sunday. Afterwards, the foster mom told us that they were currently looking for a forever family for them and that they have an 8 month old sister and "one on the way" that may be taken by the state. We still don't know all the details...or if the state is really going to terminate rights. But we did tell her we were interested. We also had a meeting with our social worker to drop off additional paperwork (So thankful we found everything!) and told her about it. She also told us that they were going to show our profile to 2 birthfamilies this week. We are hoping that the door opens for us this time around. We are extremely guarded....we have to be!

My new adventure

So I was invited to a wedding and the only dress I could find that I liked was black...I'm not big on wearing an all black dress to a wedding...so I decided to make something for my hair. I began sketching a simple flower head wrap....and then made this. I decided to add these to my Etsy store and will be working hard to get one in every color done this week. I'm also going to offer matching hair clips that will match the booties that I make.

At least now, I won't show up as the angel of death.

I heart photography

My latest. I heart photography. I heart getting paid for something I'm passionate about. I think typing "I heart" is lame.

guns and tattoos

I've got two choices...to be bored or be creative...
The town we have temporarily moved to, has absolutely nothing to do...for me or my son. We've tried going back and forth to our home town, but being away from daddy is too much. I've been thinking about making a Man-Bag lately....I made this one...but my hubby said that he didn't think the color was manly enough....so I made him model it :) and listed it as a unisex bag. I like the color...but then again...I am a woman. I'm making another one that is chocolate and khaki....that's "manly" right?


On another note, my son turned 3 1/2 last weekend....I can believe it...it seems like yesterday we were going through the crazy whirlwind of adoption...
Every 6 months I do a "photo shoot" with him...I searched high and low for temp tats...the dollar store came through for me...paired with an awesome hat, wife beater and real converse...I had a ham on my hands.

Tattoo

I've decided that for my 30th birthday (which was last March lol) I'm going to get the tattoo that I've wanted for years. However...in order to do this in December...I made a goal to get in shape...by using the semi-torture tool of P90X and jogging. P90X is intense and kinda crazy. I'm on day 2...and my arms are rendered useless. My hubby is doing it too...he loves giving me those "way to go" slaps on the butt....I find it annoying. I'd slap him...but yet again...my arms are useless. I will say that it is hard to do an hour of exercise with my 3 year old, but it's super adorable to see him try and do the exercises. So we will see in 90 days if I feel my effort is tattoo worthy.

I made front page of etsy

I was so excited to learn that my Jack Bear Booties made the front page this morning. I was wondering why I had a crazy amount of views and 24 new "hearts"! It is such an honor...especially since Etsy Administration put it together!

Lap Top Messengers...for the birds

I custom made this mustard yellow canvas messenger for my friend last week...I loved it so much that I made one in a beautiful sky blue and chocolate...this was my first time "free handing"...or should I say "free-sewing" a picture...I loved this bag so much I almost didn't list it on my store. Lately I've been slightly obsessed with birds...not live ones...I'm honestly not a fan...but the silhouettes of birds on branches.

No updates on the adoption portion of my life...I'm working on a second replica of the "dear birthparent" scrapbook...for the agency and that's about it.

Wait Train

Today the world laid to rest a music icon....to which I will say that I cried like a baby through the whole memorial...not because I'm going to miss Michael Jackson, but because I felt for his children. I can't imagine their pain.

I also just found out that the birthmother choose the other family. I'm not sad...more disappointed...and now my mind can be at rest. I don't have to wonder if I said the right things or wish I said something different. All I can do is be a good wife to my hubby and a mommy to my son...and get back on the "wait" train. (more like roller coaster lol) And it will start all over again. I lean on God for He is my strong tower...

Over and Out

Well we had our phone conference today...I just got off the phone, so I'm still trying to process the whole thing. It went well...we answered some tough questions...and the birthmother is amazing. However, I don't know if we are the family she is looking for. I just have that feeling. Who knows...

All we can do is wait and see...
I'm trying not to over analyze the whole conversation...that's soooo hard for me.
I am glad that the first initial phone call is over...the anticipation of the unknown is gone. So now we are waiting for her to choose or not choose us. I don't know how long that will take...hopefully soon we will have an answer.

What's in a conversation?

A birthmother from our agency has narrowed her decision down to 2 families...and we are one of them. (enter happy jig here) We have a phone conference with her on Tuesday. I've never done this before. With Jude's birthmother we just met at a restaurant...up close and personal. The kicker is that my hubby will be 3 hours away at his lunch break...so we won't be able to "read each other"...let's just say I won't be able to "give him the eye" if he needs it lol. This is the next step. If she choses us...she is due in 6 weeks. I have butterflies in my stomach...I'm hopeful, yet cautious. She hasn't picked us yet...and if she doesn't pick us...that's okay too. I'm restraining myself from daydreaming about the nursery, what the sex of the baby is, what it will feel like to hold a newborn in my arms...okay I'm stopping. I don't know what questions she will be asking us...so everything will be on the spot answers...I'm a "prepare ahead" type of gal...so the anticipation is overwhelming. My only peace is knowing that it's in God's hands...

so what's in a conversation....?

....our baby could be.

p.s. the pic is of my hubby and son on our trip to San Diego a couple of weeks ago.